As I rubbed elbows with the Christian church, most of the ideas that I developed about it were vague & ill-informed. That was until I met Christy, who is now my wife. Christy was a devoted, faithful, life-long Christian. She wasn’t perfect, but she was good. It was one of the qualities that I was attracted to (that and her blue eyes.)
Anyway, we fell in love, and somehow I convinced her that we should get married, even
In that meeting, the pastor said two things that really kind of shocked me, each for different reasons. The first thing he said was: “You’re engaged now, so if you are still dating anyone else - that has to end.”
DUH!
I wouldn’t have said it this way back then, but was the Christian way of dating like The Bachelor? It’s like we had reached the final rose ceremony? To be fair, I think he said it for my benefit, because he knew I wasn’t a Christian…and maybe he was just being safe.
The second thing he said involved making decisions and resolving conflict. He told us: “You should always work together in making decisions.” So far, so good. But then he threw in this wrinkle: “But if you ever reach a point where that isn’t possible, then Art gets to decide…and Christy you have to abide.”
WHOA!!!! Now that DEFINITELY wasn’t the rule in my household growing up. I do remember thinking: “Maybe I’m starting to like this Christianity thing…”
In any event, I took that statement and safely filed it away. I was young and naïve, but even I knew that was a trump card worth keeping. And sure enough, it wasn’t long after we were married before I eagerly used it.
I don’t even remember what Christy and I were disagreeing about. I probably wasn’t even trying to resolve it because I was already reaching into my pocket to pull that card out. And so I did: “Well…pastor said that I get to decide and you have to abide.”
A look came over my wife’s face that I don’t recall ever seeing before, and was pretty sure I never wanted to see again. And then she said something I never, ever forgot: “Ok, we’ll do it that way this time…don’t get used to it.”
In that moment, I was struck with the thought: “What have I just done?” A voice inside of me (not my own) answered: “Trust me, you don’t want to do that again”
Later, much later, I came to realize what I had done. It was a power play on my part. I didn’t want to talk it through. I didn’t want to engage. I didn’t want to try to understand her position.
I only wanted MY way.
And in that moment, I made my wife - my “other half” - my equal partner - the other mystical & necessary ingredient of “where the two shall become one.”
And I made her less than me.
And I knew that using that power was kind of like using a nuclear bomb. It causes a lot of damage with long lasting fallout. And in 32 years since that incident, I haven’t.
I tell that story because that is what we are going to encounter in our scripture passage this morning.
We are in week 5 of a 6 week series called “Magnify the Lord,” a series in which we are using the word magnify in a biblical sense: To see God clearer and to experience him as closer.This week we are really going to need the telescope, because chapter 5 of Ephesians is one of the most challenging. If we see this wrong…if we APPLY this wrong. It’s like a nuclear weapon: Lots of destruction and long lasting fallout.
In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul writes about living the Christian life. In doing so, he sets out two expectations (of many) for those who call themselves "Christian." The first expectation involves personal conduct. The second expectation addresses marital relations. Both of these expectations can be interpreted as “rules.”
But here is what I’ve learned and experienced when we start talking about “rules” in scripture: We need to stop, step back and check ourselves. Because when we start to look for rules, instead of a savior, it can easily turn into seeking power instead of love.
As we look at both of these rules in a bit of detail, here is what I think we’ll discover: There is a subtle, but vital, difference between:
- position and responsibility;
- status and relationship;
- power and love.
Let’s start reading, beginning first with personal conduct. We will read verses 3 to 7 of chapter 5.
Ephesians 5:3-7 (NLT)
Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you.
Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. Don’t participate in the things these people do.
_________
What typically gets magnified out of this passage is God’s anger.
For me growing up, as an outsider looking in on Christianity, God’s Anger is what I brushed up against the most. If you asked me back then, I would’ve describe it this way:
- God’s got rules.
- God enforces the rules.
- God gets really angry when we break the rules.
But is that how it really works?
So let’s ask the question: How do we go about engaging with God and his rules? Do we find ourselves saying things like: “These are the rules. Deal with it.” OR “I don’t make the rules…I just follow them.” If we do find ourselves saying these things, again, we need to stop, step back, and check ourselves.
History tells us that some theologies and perspectives have “weaponized” these verses. They are used to beat people over the head with. The milder version is along the lines of:
“God will turn his back on you. Yes, you are saved, but you won’t have any jewels in your crown.” The extreme version goes like a line on a stock market chart. Each day we are
The end result is predictable with this outlook. People are terrified that they haven’t lived a “good enough” life to enter into heaven.
But think about that for a moment. Is that what God is really inviting us into? A relationship that has one-sided rules that are applied without any thinking or exploring what they are getting at?
I guess we could.
I guess some 32 years ago I could have played my trump card with Christy and when she didn’t like it my response could have been: “I don’t make these rules. I just follow them.” But again, that would have done serious and long-lasting harm to our relationship.
So when I started studying these words - these rules - I shifted my approach in unpacking them. I went into “lawyer mode” and approached them like a lawyer. After all, if we want to talk about God’s laws and rules, know that I have been trained and experienced in what laws and rules are seeking after. It also reaffirms the wisdom of God’s plan of sending me to law school before seminary.
I remember when, in seminary, we got to the part about the rules of biblical interpretation. To my surprise and delight, I found out they are nearly identical to what I had been taught in law school about statutory interpretation. There are four basic steps. Four things to seek:
1. Discover the original intent.
2. Apply the plain meaning of the language.
3. Interpret the specific meaning consistent with the bigger meaning. (In other words, make sure the smaller rule is consistent with the big picture.)
4. Identify the exceptions.
By now, you are undoubtedly asking: “Wait?! What are the EXCEPTIONS?” There are exceptions to laws? Would you be surprised that every law has an exception? It’s true. The reason is simple, because without exceptions, there is no mercy; and without mercy, there is no justice.
Let me repeat that: Without mercy there is no justice.
A fair question to ask is: Where is the exception to rule in our scripture? Where is the mercy? Our cue comes in the opening two sentences of chapter 5 that I intentionally didn’t include. I did that to highlight the point I am about to make.
Let’s back up and read them now. Verses 1 and 2. Know that these two sentences set the tone for everything that follows.
Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
_______
What jumps out at us? For me, it is where it says right at the beginning: Imitate God. This is where original intent comes into play.
When I am after original intent in the New Testament, I go back to the original language it was written: Greek. I do this because in the English language, “imitation” doesn’t always have positive connotations with it. It implies something fraudulent or a cheap knock-off. Imitation is not the “real” thing.
The original Greek uses the word mimetes (Me-May-Tase.) It is where we derive the English word: Mimic. It is means to admire the character and values of someone, and then try to emulate it. To pattern our lives after theirs.
Ephesians 5 is telling us to pattern our lives after God himself. So the words that follow in verses 3 through 7 seem rather plain and harsh, the original intent is that they are an appeal; an encouragement; an exhortation. The original intent is to get us to pay attention; to see the seriousness of it.
But HOW it is said also matters greatly.
Example: We read this in the NLT translation:
Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.
But literal translation is closer this:
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be named once among you, as you become saints;
The closing words are so important: Let it not be named once among you, as you become saints.
HOW it is said is as important as WHAT is said.
Paul is exhorting us in a discipleship process known as “sanctification.” We don’t have time to unpack that term, but we should recognize that it is urging and inspiring us down the trail of faith, not setting up bright lines of conduct where our salvation hangs in the balance.
Which is where plain meaning of the words come in. Let’s be honest with ourselves. What it is saying about these sins are true. These things cause destruction in our world and in our lives. And we have to treat our sin seriously. We can’t ignore sin.
Because if, on one end of the spectrum, we have a casual attitude toward sin, counting on Jesus to forgive us…IF and WHEN we get around to asking. We’ve engaged in what is known as “cheap grace.”
That is a term coined by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his best known book: The Cost of Discipleship. Bonhoeffer defined “cheap grace” as
“The preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline. Communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ.”
But on the other end of the spectrum, we demand strict compliance. “Sorry, no exceptions. Just following the rules…” Then it wouldn’t mimic the character of God, would it? This would not be keeping the big picture in mind. In fact, using this approach, we wouldn’t need Jesus would we? We just pull out the old rule sheet to see where we stood.
This is what Ephesians 5 is speaking into. We can’t read the rules without remembering the big picture. What is that exactly? The LOVE & GRACE of Jesus
If we make these into rules that condemn us, then Jesus died for nothing and our faith is useless. And somewhere deep down inside of us, a voice speaks out and says: “That isn’t true!”
So we have to take our sin seriously, and we have to depend on Jesus’ grace desperately.
When we get down to it, what any law is trying to do, no matter if it is legislative or biblical, is communicate a value. But communicating values is tough to do. It has to include concrete and specific descriptions of conduct. It has to give a standard which we can compare and measure. Because we all know if God simply told us: “BE GOOD” (which, by the way, he does!), we’d be all over the place with that. God does tell us: “Be Good”…and here is what it looks like.
But again, it’s not a law without exception…without mercy.
God doesn’t apply this standard without also including his forgiveness…because if he didn’t, we are doomed and there is no hope. The exception is known as forgiveness and grace. We covered that in chapter 4, so I won’t revisit it here.
Now I should land the airplane here and let us all disembark. But I’m not, because there is another big thing in Ephesians 5 that we have to wrestle with.
It has to do with our marriages.
Everything we’ve talked about applies to our marriages as well. So let’s do a quick look at verses 22-24
Ephesians 5:22-24 (NLT)
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
______
Again, the word that stands out to us is that word submit.
As we use it in everyday English, we define that as: To accept or yield to a superior force or authority or will of another person.
Three times it says SUBMIT. Three being a holy number representing the trinity, why argue? Sorry wives, I don’t make the rules…I just follow them.
(As an aside, this approach is in direct conflict with a natural law that I discovered living in a household of 4 women: “I can be right or I can be happy…but I can’t be both.”)
So for husbands, before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s get to the ORIGINAL INTENT of what Paul writes. The word “submit” (Greek hupotasso) which means to be obedient towards. But would it surprise us that this word never literally appears in the verses we read?
It is inferred, not actually in the original manuscripts. If we want a literal reading of the verse it says this: Wives unto your husband as to the Lord.
It has a better feel to it doesn’t it wives?
So why is it there in our English translations?
The inference is used because of the verse that sets the stage for ALL the rules. It is included in the verse that comes immediately before the verses we read.
Again, I didn’t include it to make the point. It reads this way.
Verse 21: And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
This is where submit actually appears (Hupotasso).
Hmmm…turns out submission is not exclusively for wives. ALL believers in Jesus must learn to live in submission. This isn’t a wife thing…this is a human thing.
To be honest, NONE of us like the idea of submission. It is a loss of control and freedom.
Ephesians 5 is communicating that it doesn’t matter what our status. Married or single; Husbands or wives; Man or woman; We ALL have to submit to God.
But since we’re talking marriage, husbands - if we want to read it literally - we have a much bigger task than wives.
Let’s read what it says further on in Ephesians 5:
Ephesians 5:25-30 (NLT)
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.
________
Husbands, in case we missed it, this is telling us we have to mimic Jesus. That is the original intent.
If we are going to mimic Jesus, who is he and what is he about? Answer: He is our Lord, yes. But more than that, he is a SAVIOR.
As one author put it: “A savior is a loving rescuer…not a dictatorial tyrant.”
From Jesus’ lips to our ears, what does he say: the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Let’s magnify and repeat that: “not to BE served but TO serve.”
So what happens to the rules when they get read with the original intent of Jesus? Those bright lines of black & white rules begin to blur.
Let me quote Rachel Held Evans:
“If wives submit to their husbands as the Church submits to Christ, and if husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, and if both husbands and wives submit one to another—who’s really ‘in charge’ here?”
Answer: Jesus.
Jesus - who is powerful…but who invited us to mimic him as powerless. Not to be served, but to serve
Let me close by borrowing from the Apostle Peter. (Remember Peter? The apostle who repeatedly broke rules and abandoned our savior in his most pressing moment. But who Jesus redeemed and returned to significance.)
He says this:
Act out of love…not because you have to, but because you want to.
Not seeking what you can get out of it, but what you can put into it.
Not bossily telling them how it is, but tenderly showing what it is.
(1 Peter 5 in case you were wondering.)
Rules are important because they provide a standard. But also remember to ask this: When we start to look for rules, instead of a savior, are we seeking power instead of love?
So have the same mindset of Jesus. Start by seeking love and end by showing love. Let the first and the last and everything in between be guided by love.
Keep the Faith - Pastor Art
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